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Thread: A New Day ......

  1. #21
    ಠ_ಠ defrabbit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar7777 View Post
    ...wrote the book and starred in the movie ...................
    I think I'll wait for the reboot*.





    * starring marky mark as jaggy jag.

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  3. #22
    Fucking With The Fuckwits Jaguar7777's Avatar
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    The gig at the dance hall lasted an entire season. At that time I had a beautiful Valve amp, 100 watts, far more than was needed for such a venue. It came with a huge Celestion speaker, the largest I had ever seen at the time. The top of the amp was covered with a heavy steel mesh which I removed when playing on stage as it looked awsome with all the valves glowing. I picked it up at a Music/Pawn shop. Nobody wanted it, so I got the whole set up for next to nothing. Anyway, the third week into our stint, it caught fire. This was bad enough, but in the extreme heat the valves swelled and shattered, sending tiny bits of silvered glass in all directions. Everybody was ducking down, trying to avoid the silvery splinters. Then, the stage curtain caught fire. It was at the rear of the stage, which always struck me as peculiar, but anyhow, there it was, going up like a roman candle. A guy rushed onto the stage and threw a bucket of water over it, which thankfully quelled the blaze. However, as we all know, water and electricity don't mix. At that moment our rythm guitarist had his hand on the microphone, frozen in astonishment at the events going on around him. He had been about to announce the next song. There was a blue flash and he fell backwards to the floor, knocked cold. There was a brown, silvery residue all over his hand, but he blinked a few times and managed to sit up. He was okay, and no doubt felt fortunate to still be with us.

    From then on, before I would go near a microphone I used to throw a penny at it. If there was no reaction I'd step up and do my thing. It became a habit, and nobody ever questioned it, I guess they figured it was some sort of superstition, or a good luck gesture. I remember doing it at a roadside bar in the States, and we had a stripper on stage with us who was going to do some dancing while we played. She walked over to me in a set of ridiculously high heels, wearing nothing but a thong and nipple tassles and said, "Honey, if you need that much luck it'll probably take more than a dime ......... "

    Needless to say, I am still wary of Microphones .........

    Jag. (Who moved my chalk marks?)
    You Know Absolutely Nothing, So Kindly Keep It To Yourself.


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  5. #23
    Elite friendlycat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar7777 View Post
    The gig at the dance hall lasted an entire season. At that time I had a beautiful Valve amp, 100 watts, far more than was needed for such a venue.
    Valve amps are really cool (especially uncovered ). Although I am totally unable to play and sing I was almost-a-member of the school band in 1979/80. One of them was my friend and when he saw the amplifier that I assembled he asked me to fix their amp. Since that day it became my job - the large Soviet KT-805 triodes in output cascades constantly burned out, so when they played a gig I was always near with my soldering iron and a spare amp.
    When they discovered that I like poetry and occasionally write my own rhymes, they asked me to write some lyrics for them and I did. They were in the process of composing a rock-opera. The plot was loosely based on the The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, but in their interpretation Dorothy was a girl that nobody could sexually satisfy. So she goes to the Emerald City where the Unbelievable Fucker - a man able to solve the problem lives. The project remained uncompleted because the lead singer/guitar finished school and soon was called up to sing «Unconquerable and Legendary» somewhere in Baikal military district.
    Another my job was customizing Ural guitars. Because of the poor assembly quality they rarely made a perfect sound out of the box so I had to screen them inside with metal foil to prevent self induction and sometimes customize the circuitry to the owner’s personal taste. It probably was my first business – I was payed about 5 rubles for a guitar which was a lot of money for Soviet schoolboy. Ural guitar was known for its heaviness and famed in countless jokes.



    A few facts about Ural guitar


    • Ural guitar was developed by Soviet engineers to scary the shit out of bloody capitalists;
    • Trying to crush Ural guitar against the wall will result in destruction of the wall;
    • Ural guitar is the only object in the World that can withstand Chuck Norris’ punch;
    • Nobody can understand how Ural’s knobs and buttons work, but they say there’s a secret combination of them that launch nuclear missiles;
    • Ural guitar is the only object in the World that remains heavy in weightlessness;
    • Ural guitar can shelter you from nuclear strike;
    • Arnold Schwarzenegger is the only person in the World who can actually use Ural tremolo lever;
    • Any music played on Ural guitar automatically becomes heavy metal;
    • The sound of unplugged Ural guitar can cause earthquakes and tsunami;
    • Ural guitar production was ceased under the mass-destruction weapons cut agreement;
    • If you disassemble Ural guitar, its parts can make a nuclear reactor, space station, and a corn harvester;
    • In 1978 the North American tour of some Soviet rock band was canceled when the ship loaded with a single Ural guitar sank.
    Last edited by friendlycat; 03-21-2015 at 07:40 AM.
    Just don't tell foecats I'm here

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  7. #24
    Elite friendlycat's Avatar
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    Today we took a walk in what remains of 18 century park near owr place with my wife and her female friend. The snow has gone, but there's still some ice in the pond.

    Just don't tell foecats I'm here

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  9. #25
    Fucking With The Fuckwits Jaguar7777's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by friendlycat View Post
    Valve amps are really cool (especially uncovered ). Although I am totally unable to play and sing I was almost-a-member of the school band in 1979/80. One of them was my friend and when he saw the amplifier that I assembled he asked me to fix their amp. Since that day it became my job - the large Soviet KT-805 triodes in output cascades constantly burned out, so when they played a gig I was always near with my soldering iron and a spare amp.
    When they discovered that I like poetry and occasionally write my own rhymes, they asked me to write some lyrics for them and I did. They were in the process of composing a rock-opera. The plot was loosely based on the The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, but in their interpretation Dorothy was a girl that nobody could sexually satisfy. So she goes to the Emerald City where the Unbelievable Fucker - a man able to solve the problem lives. The project remained uncompleted because the lead singer/guitar finished school and soon was called up to sing «Unconquerable and Legendary» somewhere in Baikal military district.
    Another my job was customizing Ural guitars. Because of the poor assembly quality they rarely made a perfect sound out of the box so I had to screen them inside with metal foil to prevent self induction and sometimes customize the circuitry to the owner’s personal taste. It probably was my first business – I was payed about 5 rubles for a guitar which was a lot of money for Soviet schoolboy. Ural guitar was known for its heaviness and famed in countless jokes.



    A few facts about Ural guitar


    • Ural guitar was developed by Soviet engineers to scary the shit out of bloody capitalists;
    • Trying to crush Ural guitar against the wall will result in destruction of the wall;
    • Ural guitar is the only object in the World that can withstand Chuck Norris’ punch;
    • Nobody can understand how Ural’s knobs and buttons work, but they say there’s a secret combination of them that launch nuclear missiles;
    • Ural guitar is the only object in the World that remains heavy in weightlessness;
    • Ural guitar can shelter you from nuclear strike;
    • Arnold Schwarzenegger is the only person in the World who can actually use Ural tremolo lever;
    • Any music played on Ural guitar automatically becomes heavy metal;
    • The sound of unplugged Ural guitar can cause earthquakes and tsunami;
    • Ural guitar production was ceased under the mass-destruction weapons cut agreement;
    • If you disassemble Ural guitar, its parts can make a nuclear reactor, space station, and a corn harvester;
    • In 1978 the North American tour of some Soviet rock band was canceled when the ship loaded with a single Ural guitar sank.
    LOL

    Ah, yes ..... the dreaded Ural 650 ...... the Russian Stratocaster. They made thousands of these, and kid's today still buy them because they can be picked up for around $100. I think the Ural in your pic is a 650A, but don't quote me. I have played one, or should I say, it played me. One of the switches on the one I tried was a gain switch ........ and another was like a fuzzy effect. Built like a brick outhouse and with pick-up's more suited to cheese grating, they were indeed beasts. Having said that, they could be tamed a little with a lot of hard work, best only undertaken if you already work in construction.

    There was another Russian guitar similar to this, but much better in construction and electronics. I think it was called an "aelita" but I might not be spelling that right. It was playable and I remember trying one that was used by a Russian band in the late eighties. I know that a few bands in the USA tried them out live for a while.

    Valve amps? You can still buy modern valve combo's today, but they lack the warmth and beastliness that those from the late 50's and early 60's had. As you worked on some I am sure you are very aware of this. After mine burned up I trod the Vox AC30 path just like everybody else did, but I missed that Valve amp, there was a natural warm tone to it that I never really encountered again.

    Jag. (Strummed at least one Ural and wrestled with another ... )
    You Know Absolutely Nothing, So Kindly Keep It To Yourself.


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  11. #26
    jumping on eggshells sp88's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by friendlycat View Post
    why am i suddenly remembering the episode of the simpsons where homer's motor company owning brother, herb, allows him to design a car, inevitably leading to herb's company going bankrupt when homer's monstrosity is revealed?

    "i know enough to know what's instantly forgettable"

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  13. #27
    Hooray for Boobies... Frosty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sp88 View Post
    why am i suddenly remembering the episode of the simpsons where homer's motor company owning brother, herb, allows him to design a car, inevitably leading to herb's company going bankrupt when homer's monstrosity is revealed?

    All my life, I have searched for a car that feels a certain way. Powerful like a gorilla, yet soft and yielding like a Nerf ball. Now, at last, I have found it...



    Sadly, I could find no embeddable video or even a animated gif.
    Internet, you have let me down again.
    Sometimes my downloads require the use of Jdownloader 1 with Click 'n' Load or Jdownloader 2...



    People who are determined to be right cannot be reasoned with.

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  15. #28
    Divas wildwest08's Avatar
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    Smile

    Quote Originally Posted by Frosty View Post
    All my life, I have searched for a car that feels a certain way. Powerful like a gorilla, yet soft and yielding like a Nerf ball. Now, at last, I have found it...



    Sadly, I could find no embeddable video or even a animated gif.
    Internet, you have let me down again.



    Frosty, you just gotta want it bad enough


    Code:
    http://homercar.com/
    The Homer debuted at the 24 Hours of LeMons race on June 29th, 2013 in Buttonwillow, CA!












    .






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  17. #29
    Elite friendlycat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar7777 View Post
    There was another Russian guitar similar to this, but much better in construction and electronics. I think it was called an "aelita" but I might not be spelling that right.
    That's right, it was called Aelita. Named after alien female character from 1930s Soviet sci fi novel, it featured much better quality and pick ups. The circuitry was similar to Ural. If you had a spare ruble back then you could also afford Czech Jolana or East German Musima. But Ural will be remembered as an affordable stuff that allowed thousands of Soviet school bands to gain their first experience. This eventually lead to the phenomenon known as «Russian shitrock of 90s» which I hate with all my soul and my wife loves (she’s some 16 years younger than me). The problem is that I love her so after yet another «big hit» of some goddamn motherfuckers I have to heal myself with a huge dose of old good pop like Bach orchestral suites or Vertinskiy’s early albums.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar7777 View Post
    Valve amps? You can still buy modern valve combo's today, but they lack the warmth and beastliness that those from the late 50's and early 60's had.
    Often modern valve amps are just marketing trick. They use an inverse back coupling in low cascades and so that using valves in output has no other reason than just pleasing your girlfriend with an enigmatic glow.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar7777 View Post
    As you worked on some I am sure you are very aware of this
    I fixed them, but built only semiconductor stuff. I am a child of solid-state (but not yet chip) era. The situation however changed in 1982 when I was called up to slave around some VERY huge valve amplifier. Its traveling-wave tubes pumped some 80 KiloWatts each (no, that’s not a misprint). The whole devise was called Dunai-3U and our phased array «speaker» was seen from far away ready to track US missiles coming from North-West sector. Ironically, its NATO codename was Catshouse.

    Quote Originally Posted by sp88 View Post
    why am i suddenly remembering the episode of the simpsons where homer's motor company owning brother, herb, allows him to design a car, inevitably leading to herb's company going bankrupt when homer's monstrosity is revealed?
    LOL. The similarity is apparent. BTW - another Ural joke said that this guitar was a product of high-velocity collision of Ural truck and Ural bike.
    Just don't tell foecats I'm here

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  19. #30
    High Priestess of The Classics Jenny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar7777 View Post
    ...... Anyway, the third week into our stint, it caught fire. This was bad enough, but in the extreme heat the valves swelled and shattered, sending tiny bits of silvered glass in all directions. Everybody was ducking down, trying to avoid the silvery splinters. Then, the stage curtain caught fire. It was at the rear of the stage, which always struck me as peculiar, but anyhow, there it was, going up like a roman candle. A guy rushed onto the stage and threw a bucket of water over it, which thankfully quelled the blaze.....


    Jag. (Who moved my chalk marks?)

    And this is one reason I had my Marshall heads rewired to use American tubes. That and the fact that the original tubes were almost impossible to get here and they went bad really quickly. I also got rid of the Celestion speakers in the cabinets and replaced them with Altec Lansings as the Celestions got pushed out and started "flapping in the breeze" after awhile.

    After looking at hearing about that Ural guitar, I think I'll pass as it sounds like I would fall over trying to hold it and play it. I think I'll stick with my Strat for now.



    sig courtesy of B.Bubba

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