Page 2 of 29 FirstFirst 123412 ... LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 288

Thread: Make Me Laugh

  1. #11
    Elite Brianwp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    927
    Thanks
    1,185
    Thanked 4,650 Times in 908 Posts
    Ok....

    (Sweet baby Jesus, that's one weird Dutch bastard)...

    Anyway...

    Never Trust An Italian

    Angelo broke his leg and hid buddy Tony comes over to see him.

    Tony asks "How ya doin"?

    Angelo say "Ok, but do me a favor, run upstairs and get me my slippers"

    So Tony goes upstairs and sees Angelo's gorgeous 19 year old twin daughters lying on the bed naked...

    So he says..."Your dad sent me up here to fuck both of you"

    They said.."prove it"

    So Tony shouts downstairs..."Hey Ange...both of them?"

    Angelo shouts back..."Of course both of them...what good is fuckin' one?"


  2. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Brianwp For This Useful Post:


  3. #12
    Elite PK~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    399
    Thanks
    1,268
    Thanked 2,016 Times in 397 Posts
    An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course
    and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the club house.

    As he passes through the swinging doors,
    he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:

    COLD BEER: $5.00
    HAMBURGER: $10.00
    CHEESEBURGER: $15.50
    CHICKEN SANDWICH: $18.50
    HAND JOB: $250.00

    Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary money,
    the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons
    to the exceptionally attractive female bartender
    who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.





    She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer.

    "Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile. "May I help you sir?"

    The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers,
    "I was wondering young lady, are you the one who gives the hand-jobs around here?"

    She looks into his wrinkled eyes and with a wide smile purrs, "Yes sir, I sure am."

    The old golfer leans in even closer and into her left ear says softly,
    "Well then, be sure to wash your hands real good, because I want a cheeseburger."

  4. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to PK~ For This Useful Post:


  5. #13
    I work here..? Frosty's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    Strawberry Fields
    Posts
    10,127
    Thanks
    52,330
    Thanked 47,832 Times in 9,681 Posts
    Quote Originally Posted by PK~ View Post
    "Well then, be sure to wash your hands real good, because I want a cheeseburger."
    My HEVC/H.265/x265 videos can be played with either VLC or MPC-HC



    "I swear I didn't know that .45 was loaded...
    In fact my memory ain't too clear...
    That's not to say she didn't get what she deserved...
    Least that's the way it looked from here..."

  6. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Frosty For This Useful Post:


  7. #14
    Elite PK~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    399
    Thanks
    1,268
    Thanked 2,016 Times in 397 Posts

  8. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to PK~ For This Useful Post:


  9. #15
    Elite Brianwp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    927
    Thanks
    1,185
    Thanked 4,650 Times in 908 Posts
    "It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

    When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

    At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
    ...
    The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

    At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.

    She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

    When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.

    When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

    As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

    "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."

    He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."

    The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea.


  10. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Brianwp For This Useful Post:


  11. #16
    Elite PK~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    399
    Thanks
    1,268
    Thanked 2,016 Times in 397 Posts

  12. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to PK~ For This Useful Post:


  13. #17
    Too Daze Gone baddfingerz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    In A Dark Allley
    Posts
    856
    Thanks
    3,263
    Thanked 3,925 Times in 847 Posts
    Quote Originally Posted by PK~ View Post
    I never realized I was dyslexic until I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.


    Ahhhh niiiiiiiiiice...


    Did you hear about the dyslexic highway patrolman?

    He spent New Year's Eve pulling people over and handing out I.U.D.s.




    Crying parents tell their children
    If you survive don't do as we did
    A son exclaims there'll be nothing to do to
    Her daughter says she'll be dead with you...



  14. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to baddfingerz For This Useful Post:


  15. #18
    Too Daze Gone baddfingerz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    In A Dark Allley
    Posts
    856
    Thanks
    3,263
    Thanked 3,925 Times in 847 Posts
    Oh man, did you hear the announcement that David Copperfield just made?

    He told the whole world that he has AIDS. Poor bastard. You know how he got it?

    Doin' Magic.




    Crying parents tell their children
    If you survive don't do as we did
    A son exclaims there'll be nothing to do to
    Her daughter says she'll be dead with you...



  16. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to baddfingerz For This Useful Post:


  17. #19
    I work here..? Frosty's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    Strawberry Fields
    Posts
    10,127
    Thanks
    52,330
    Thanked 47,832 Times in 9,681 Posts
    Quote Originally Posted by PK~ View Post
    My HEVC/H.265/x265 videos can be played with either VLC or MPC-HC



    "I swear I didn't know that .45 was loaded...
    In fact my memory ain't too clear...
    That's not to say she didn't get what she deserved...
    Least that's the way it looked from here..."

  18. The Following User Says Thank You to Frosty For This Useful Post:

    PK~

  19. #20
    Elite PK~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    399
    Thanks
    1,268
    Thanked 2,016 Times in 397 Posts

  20. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to PK~ For This Useful Post:


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •