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Thread: Make Me Laugh

  1. #101
    Elite friendlycat's Avatar
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    Uncle Pu was not invited to 70th anniversary of Auschwitz liberation. Today’s best RUnet joke:

    Jews: We were prisoners in Auschwitz, this is our celebration!
    Germans: We put the Jews in Auschwitz, this is our celebration!
    Poles: We handed the Jews to Gestapo for putting them in Auschwitz, this is our celebration!
    Ukrainians: We were guards in Auschwitz, this is our celebration!
    Russians: Cool. And we...
    Everybody: …and you came without invitation and pooped the party!

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  3. #102
    Probably stoned.. Frosty's Avatar
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    You're like a dagger...
    And stick me in the heart, and taste the blood from my blade...
    And when we sleep, would you shelter me in your warm and darkened grave..?

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  5. #103
    Yep, its insanity that keeps me sane, Kinda DukeDutchy's Avatar
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    ........................"It's insanity that keeps me sane" -DD-........................

    ............Spero vestri pilosus scrotum puter ut vestri mulier pulsatus is!............

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  7. #104
    jumping on eggshells sp88's Avatar
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    i treated myself to a new sat nav for the car, and was surprised to find it came with the voice of bonnie tyler

    sadly, all it does it keep telling me to "turn around" and every now and then it falls apart
    "i know enough to know what's instantly forgettable"

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  9. #105
    jumping on eggshells sp88's Avatar
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    this one is a genuine story from today's british feature news .....

    a conference has been organised, to be held at edinburgh's murrayfield stadium, entitled "shifting the curve, sharing the challenge" - it's purpose is to address issues related to breastfeeding in public

    quotes from the organisers say the conference is "open to everyone who works with children and families" and is intended to “remove some of the barriers” associated with breastfeeding

    when some mothers phoned the organisers to enquire, they were told that they would not be able to breastfeed their own babies at the conference as breastfeeding would be inappropriate at the event
    "i know enough to know what's instantly forgettable"

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  11. #106
    Fucking With The Fuckwits Jaguar7777's Avatar
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    A man walks into a bar .......................... OUCH! ......... it was an Iron bar.


    Jag. (Another Golden Oldie ....... )
    You Know Absolutely Nothing, So Kindly Keep It To Yourself.

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  13. #107
    Artificially Sweetened Toxic_Cherub's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar7777 View Post
    A man walks into a bar .......................... OUCH! ......... it was an Iron bar.


    Jag. (Another Golden Oldie ....... )
    I can go one better.
    A man walks into a wall with a hard on and busts his nose.
    Kinda sad really......
    Twitter: Farawaygirl@AnnaHales7

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  15. #108
    jumping on eggshells sp88's Avatar
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    "no matter what you do, always give 100 percent" ..... worst fucking advice ever, as i discovered on my last trip to donate blood
    "i know enough to know what's instantly forgettable"

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  17. #109
    Probably stoned.. Frosty's Avatar
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    I seem to remember one of the parody movies having a guy who was getting blood while the guy next to him was emptied out.
    Can't remember if it was one of the Hot Shots, or Airplane, Police Squad or one of the other ones.
    My HEVC/H.265/x265 videos can be played with either VLC or MPC-HC



    You're like a dagger...
    And stick me in the heart, and taste the blood from my blade...
    And when we sleep, would you shelter me in your warm and darkened grave..?

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  19. #110
    Diva wildwest08's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frosty View Post
    I seem to remember one of the parody movies having a guy who was getting blood while the guy next to him was emptied out.
    Can't remember if it was one of the Hot Shots, or Airplane, Police Squad or one of the other ones.
    It was the first Hot Shots, on the Aircraft Carrier





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